Two Newfoundlanders in a Bar Talk about ABBA’s “Mamma Mia”

-O’ Regan tells me they’re gonna be setting up a futon for you. in the back. Japanese inspiration garden and that. Seeing as you’ve been here, what, the last six nights and twice on Sunday?

-Can’t a man enjoy his short-lived freedoms?

-What’s it: two weeks?

-It was going to be one and then I very tactfully advised her that you can’t see much in one week. It takes a least three days to walk the whole of Yonge Street.

-That would be true if there was anything much above Bloor.

-Ah, well, she can find that out herself, can’t she?

-You’re a real guiding light, Terry. Especially for wandering minds, and especially more when that wandering mind is your wife on holidays.

-It’s her sister she’s seeing. And ‘Mamma Mia.’

-The ABBA one?

-No, the Hanoi Rocks one. Of course the Abba one.

-You couldn’t pay me. Meryl Streep and all that.

-Ms. Streep is one of the great actors of our time, although I doubt she’s in Toronto, crossing the boards of the Royal Alex.

-Still, all the ABBA. You’d have to be very high.

-I liked that one, “Dancing Queen.” It’s what Spook used to call his cousin, Rapheal. He was a good sport. Didn’t seem to mind.

-That song is like what happens after a round of 3 am at Chess’s. It seemed like a great idea at the time…

-Ah, c’mon. ABBA mean no harm.

-Which is exactly the issue here.

-Man cannot subsist on fiddleheads alone, Stan. You need your buttered rolls. You need your KD. You need your canned ham.

-It’s mindless pop becoming mindless theatre only leading to more mindlessness.

-Right, but the blonde one, Frida. Hot ticket, that one.

-If we’re going that route, gimme the other; the brunette with the long grin.

-Why do you have to be like that, Stan?

-Like how, Terry?

-You know: always the alternative. Always the different take, like.

-I’m just saying that the blonde did nothing for me.

-Well she sure did a lot for the others.

-Then hallelujah for the rest. And if you’re really gonna go to war after defending “Mamma Mia,” then I’d say you’d be wasting some valuable time on Swedish oil barons who parlayed their hit songs into an international pop theatre franchise, which, now that I say it, actually makes them sound brilliant.

-I knew I’d get ya.

-You got nothing. Now a Japanese inspiration garden. That’s, like, what exactly?


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